I’m more than content being called a Nut Job though I’m pretty sure I am not a squirrel — Welcome to my world

 

Everyone wants to be “different” now-a-days when really being different scares the shit out of people. Not literal shit, well maybe if you have weak bowels.

 

People have a fear of the truth and a fear of the unknown.  They would rather live in denial then to actually discover the world around them. Different scares them and abnormal is something that is used as amusement. I guess watching crazy people can be a lot more fun than a roller coaster.

 

Our generation is known for self expression and outwardly showing the world how “Unique” we are from one another. When really what makes one unique is what is in ones skull (I’m referring to the BRAIN.)  Not with how many studded shoes and upside down cross on a cat head sweaters are in someone’s closet. People are so focused on how to out worldly show the world they are different they all end up looking the same. Instagram proves that point.

 

I have been called a nut job and crazy in my life more than a few times. I’m sure the fact that I dated a 28-year-old crack dealer when I was 15 kick started me into being a bit “different.”  

 

My drug years were insanity and anyone that has been addicted to a substance knows that you 9/10 turn into a psycho. If you’re the 1/10 you usually end up dead. Though when I got sober, the term “crazy” really began to annoy me and had me questioning what that word even means. See Crazy is a word that can have many different meanings and if used in the wrong context can just be a fucking insult. See being called crazy fun and being called a crazy psycho can have two VERY different effects on people. Try calling a female crazy without an explanation- you’ll end up getting backhanded.

 

The “crazy” is what keeps this world interesting. It’s what allows us to think outside of the imaginary box. The world is made up of no two people the same… unless you’re a clone. (Which would be really fucking cool.) Just because someone has a different way of expressing themselves doesn’t make them a nut job or crazy. Society doesn’t even know what normal is!

 

So call me a nut job. At least I’m not boring.  

In a world where self-absorbed is the Norm

Remembering to be aware there is a whole world outside ourselves… hard to believe I know

 

We live in a society where we always feel like we NEED the next best thing. We have changed wants into necessities and never seem to be satisfied with what we have. Like we NEED that new IPhone 5 or we will self-combust. (Over dramatic generation we are)

Before I was an Instawhore I spent my days cleaning, feeding, bathing and micromanaging the lives of people with disabilities. Being an extremist I threw myself into my job, forgetting that I should have my own life and saturating myself with the trials and tribulations of my clients. This created unhealthy world of dependency for the people I took care of and when I would try to pull back the issues arose due to boundaries never being set.

Nonetheless this time in my life taught me that not only am I blessed but to value every day of our lives. I worked with young adults who had all been in accidents of some sort, not disabled since birth. This made my job even more of an eye opener of how at any moment your life can change.

After 3 years though I began to feel depressed, my job had told be I needed to disconnect myself at work because I was too involved. This though was not possible for me. I’m kind of an all or nothing type of person (Why do you think I ended up in rehab at 19?) So I decided to move to Vancity and enrolled in the most superficial class ever…Make up School (Which I quickly realized wasn’t for me.) Oh and not only was I spending 8 hours a day talking about lipstick, I was also becoming Insta-whore of the year with my 25K following. I had gone from serving the community to fueling my ego. 180degree spin in my little existence.

 I have never really been one to care about my image or be obsessed with fashion and the next best thing. Yet I found myself becoming some imaged crazed lunatic. Addicted to how many likes or followers. I forgot that there was a world outside of myself. (What? I’m not the only thing in the world that matters? Well damn.)

 As time has progressed I once again have begun to feel unfulfilled. I spend all day online for work as well as the other time promoting my psychopathic Internet personality.  Browsing on IG and seeing the millions of selfies (Which I have taken more than 8000 I’m sure.) Looking at how our generation is obsessed with image and how addicted we are to promoting ourselves. It made me wonder if we spent a quarter of the time we do focused on picking out our next outfit on helping others. This messed up day and age might be a better place.

Our self absorbed generation needs to think outside themselves. I’m not saying we need to start wearing burlap and become vegans (No offence to vegans). But we need to start looking outside ourselves and realizing that there is more to this earth than Jeffery Campbells and Black Milk leggings.

 

 

Mandy and Me …. ( I look like a nut job and had skrillex hair )

Yes sex sells but that doesn’t mean you should forget about your brain. I’m cynical and don’t expect you to like me

I love being naked. We all know this. My tits are openly displayed on my twitter, and I am naked every chance I get. Just because I’d rather work with my boobs out than in a bra doesn’t mean I don’t have a brain that I’m utilizing 24 hours of the day. (I’m an insomniac it NEVER shuts off …ok?)

 

Looking at the idols of today’s youth one might vomit in their mouths.  Not only is Kim Kardasian someone little girls look up to, we have a whole teenage generation wanting to suck Justin Beiber’s penis. We have become a society that has lost sight of things like morals and values and have become saturated with materialistic bullshit.  

 

No one uses his or her brains. I don’t mean like university brains, I mean every day common sense brains. We have shows like Jersey Shore ruling MTV and polls on if Kim Kardasian looks good with bangs popping up on social networking sites. Are these really the types of people that the youth of today are aspiring to be? Teen Mom is glamourizing teen pregnancy and Amber Rose is showing girls that if they bang enough rappers eventually they will land one and be set for life.

 

Ok, I’m sure half of you think I’m just being a hater after that last sentence. So lets just eat a cookie and continue to read.

 

Everyone is focused on their exterior instead of focused on the interior of their skull. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure the thousand photos I post of myself half naked might have you thinking I’m a hypocritical psycho. But I’ll have you know I’m not hypocritical at all. (The people with brains will have caught that joke. ) Although I parade around in my panties I utilize my thinking organ every chance I get. (Since I don’t have a penis I’m talking about my brain.) I also have never been given a free handout in my life and was raised to work my ass off to earn things.

 

There is a difference between being a trashy whore with no brain and making millions off a reality show about how dumb you are. And being a model or whatever artistic figures you choose to be and using your brain to get ahead in the world.  The problem is people don’t want to put the effort into actually working to achieve success instead they want to look for the easy fast way to make a buck. The drive in our society is at an all time low. People are more concerned on posting tweets that make them appear like they are somebodies instead of being who they really are.

 

We have broke bitches pretending they are “bosses” and dudes fronting like they are ballers. When in reality they are all sitting on their ass’s doing nothing to actually be productive. It’s about time this generation had a reality check and realized that we were given minds for a reason. TO USE THEM… (I know this may come as a surprise to some.)

 

People are probably going to snap back and say “ OMAGAWD BuT u W3RE like an insta whor3” and yes yes I was. Just because my tits are out doesn’t mean I don’t have a brain and don’t have morals and values. I have worked 2 + jobs since I was 13, and have never had a free hand out in my life. I feel like I need a disclaimer every time I talk because some asshole with a unicorn horn up his ass makes a STD ridden dick comment.

 

 Im no role model, Im just a recovered drug addict who eats cookies.

 

Ive been Sober for 18 months. Someone pass me a shirley temple and a cookie

I have never been one to celebrate milestones, even birthdays it’s not something I’ve ever gotten overly excited about. Yet for some reason my sobriety has me acting like a small child who just discovered ice cream. 

I am a very stubborn person. This is one of my attributes yet one of my faults. My stubbornness had me almost dead before I finally decided to reach out for help with my abusive relationship with substances. I was in a very committed relationship; it had lasted longer than any of my douchebag boyfriends. So the thought of breaking up with my addiction seemed impossible. 

Like any long term relationship. Our initial break up wouldn’t be the last time our paths crossed and within a few months I found myself back with the one “love” that had always been there. I won’t lie the second time around it was more of a 6 month fling, the commitment wasn’t there like the first time. Nonetheless I found myself beginning to become the person I had never wanted to become again. (IE: A COMPLETE FUCKING PSYCHO PATH. not to mention my looks instantly degraded.) 

When I woke up from a night filled with an alcohol black out, cocaine sex and ending with a K-Hole (that had me convinced I was in Alice in Wonderland.) I made the decision that exploring sobriety may be a good option. I won’t lie I was resistant to the idea at first. Say goodbye to Drugs and Burt Reynolds FOREVER. See as much as drugs and booze had turned me into a homeless nut job pre rehab, this time around I still had my shit together so I was forgetting how bad it could really get. 

I eventually came around to my senses dropped the bottle and picked up knitting. ( jk.) 

To be honest I feel like a lot of the reason I stay away from the liquor and copious amounts of powders and pills now is the sheer reason that I’m stubborn. That and the fact that I definitely got way hotter once I stopped I just don’t have the desire to withdraw or not remember the night before. It lost its appeal once I stepped away from it.

When I got to 6 months sober I had just moved to a New city. To be honest this was the ultimate test of my will power. 1) I knew no one 2) It rained every goddamn day 3) a liquor store was directly outside my building.  Well to be honest I really didn’t have a desire to go buy booze, or drugs. Even the days I was most depressed I would watch South Park instead of daydreaming about the pills I used to pop.

This time my choice to become sober was different. It wasn’t because I was a zombie looking drug machine. It was because I knew what would happen if I continued to party like a rock star, eventually I would be dead. I made the choice when my world still was right side up, not when I was at a dead end. I made the choice for me. I’m not the type to get mushy and that last sentence was borderline self-help book.

Today I work in a club and have had people snort cocaine right in front of me. Not once have I wanted to body check someone for a bottle of gin. Or bottle someone with that gin for their 8 ball of cocaine. To be honest I feel blessed. Blessed that I am able to be in these environments and not feel the urges that I once did. Even though I know I never want to again I still remember that I am human and that I cant get to full of myself. Because when one throws caution to the wind they usually fuck up, or end up with a secret love child.

 

 

Its January 2nd, Lets all break our resolutions

New Years, the time of year that everyone decides to make major life changes. All of a sudden we feel motivation to make this year “different” and write uplifting and motivational quotes all over FB and Twitter. We all know I am not a very festive human. I’m pretty much the human version of “grumpy cat” when it comes to anything to do with the holidays. New Years is no exception. It’s the icing on the cake of holiday bullshit.

See I think its great that people want to make life changes, lose weight, stop watching porn, cut back on Instagram stalking. (None of these things I wish to eliminate from my life.) Yet I don’t understand what is so significant about January 1st that suddenly inspires people to make all these life changes. Am I missing out on seeing some magical resolution fairy because I’m so jaded toward the holiday season?

Just because its a new year, and a new “you” doesn’t mean you’re not a hoe now that its 2013. Writing ” I’m going to go to the gym everyday” on FB doesn’t count as a resolution. 8/10 of these resolutions that I’ve read on twitter have probably been broken in the last 24 hours (That statistic was pulled out of my ass so don’t call me out on not doing my research.) Don’t get me wrong. I am all for life changes. I’m even a prime example of how beneficial life changes can be. I went from a heroin looking addict GIMMIEDRUGSNOW nut job, to sober, clean ILOVECANDY nut job. What really “grindZ my gearZ” (stole that from Family Guy) about New Years resolutions are how people are all talk and no action. By the time January 2nd rolls around the guy who said he was going to lose 10 pounds is making out with a honey cruller at Tim Hortons.

The hype around New Years resolutions is larger then the commitment people have to actually sticking to them, or that waist line you’re trying to lose. If you really want to make a life change it shouldn’t matter if it’s on January 1st or July 1st. That treadmill you’re running can’t tell the difference between the months.

Of course this will ruffle up some feathers with the resolution gurus. “Its a time to reflect, of where you’ve been and where you want to be,” BLAH BLAH BLAH. Yes, this is true and a valid point. But maybe people should take more time in sticking to their resolutions and less time posting them on twitter. Do we really need to wait until the end of the year to make major life changes? Why do humans feel the need to blow up social media with their deeply emotional life changes when they aren’t even going to stick to them? I would rather read about your results then the resolutions you aren’t planning on taking seriously. I mean if I wanted to read motivational quotes I would read a self help book or an Archie Comic.

Okay that last statement was overboard cynical. In all seriousness, it isn’t “New Years Resolutions” that drive me insane, it’s how people break them as quickly as they make them. (I’m really good at rhyming.) New Years should be a time for people to make positive changes for not only themselves but for the world we live in. By making a resolution and breaking it just proves how uncommitted our society is now a days. If people were as committed to their resolutions, as they are to Instagram selfies maybe then New Years resolutions would begin to be taken seriously.

 

Porn , Redbull and deep fried Oreos … Merry Christmas to me.

 

I have never been a fan of Christmas. When I worked retail a customer called me scrooge. Then I stabbed her. Just kidding, I wanted to make sure you’re paying attention. 

Its Christmas eve and Im salivating thinking about deep fried oreos and red bull while people and their Christmas cheer blow up my social networking. If scrooge had a gf it would be me. 

Christmas. The time of year where people go insane. All of a sudden we are spending money we don’t have on gifts for family members that we hate. Eating enough baked goods to kill even honey boo boo and wearing ugly sweaters because “its funny.” 

You may think my opening statement is a bit cynical. ( If you don’t then we should probably be best friends.) Well my views on the holidays have always been a bit cynical. 

See this being the first Christmas I am spending alone has allowed to to reflect on how I truly feel about the holidays. I have never really been fond of Christmas. I mean I have tried, REALLY tried to get into the spirit. I even went carolling ( to be honest if it wasn’t for all the free food I would have killed myself after the first house) but nothing seems to work. 

See Christmas stresses me out and here’s why:

1) Everyone is so cheery – My bank teller was smiling so big I was convinced he was an axe murderer… and why was he wearing an elf costume. No sir you are not Will Ferrel 

People that I would never talk to seem to think that Christmas is a prime opportunity to wish me not only a Merry Xmas but a Merry Xmas Eve.

2) Presents- We spend money we don’t have on presents for people we don’t like half the time. Then there is that awkward moment when that friend you don’t really like gets you a present and you’re like ” Oh ya hold on I totally have your present” (……NOT.) While you reach into your purse for a KEG gift card that has $5.10 left on it. 

Or

Those useless gifts grandparents get you. My grandmother would get me the most terrifying angel ceramic 2 foot tall dolls from Wal-Mart or those stupid stuffed animals that sing Xmas carols. WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO USE THESE !? But you can’t say anything to them. I tried that and I was told that rejecting the gift is like embracing the devil. (Ok my grandmother is a nut job)

3) Which brings me to my next point FAMILY

Christmas is one of those times of years that really make you look at your family. Which for some of us makes us want to shove forks in our eyes. See not all of us have the big family dinners, with the 13 uncles and 86 cousins. Some of us have the Fun of Dysfunction. With the screaming and the throwing of presents and cranberry sauce. For us the holidays are just another anxiety fest of which relative will stab which relative first?

Or how quickly can I choke on this stuffing to avoid the rest of the evening. 

That time of year where at least once you want to pretend like you are an orphan from a jungle and that you don’t really share the same DNA with these people.

5) Last but not least COUPLES and girls complaining about being single

See couples usually don’t bother me. Yet during the holidays they drive me insane. OKAY WE GET IT YOU GUYS HAVE AWESOME GIFTS FOR ONE ANOTHER. You don’t need to go on for ever and ever about how you bought them such an unreal gift. Unless that gift is for me I don’t care.

What’s worse than these couples though? Single girls complaining about being alone. Photos with “ forever alone” posted underneath. Ok unless you are in solitary confinement stop complaining. Just because you don’t have a bf to take photos with for IG on Xmas morning DOES NOT MEAN YOU’RE FOREVER ALONE.

When I think about the positives of the holidays. Well Alcohol used to be number one, now that I have ditched booze the only thing I can find comfort in is drowning myself in gravy and shoving my face in pie. This being said the after effects of weeks filled with Xmas food result in the replacement of my abs with a 2 month old food baby. I guess the presents are a plus too, yet I feel like I deserve them after I have spent my rent money on everyone else and  their dogs. I guess I kind of like the lights. I mean they used to be cooler when I did acid but they still amuse me in my sobriety.

Yeah Yeah all you cheery folk are probably like ” OMAGAWD this gUrl is like soooooo dumb, XMAS ROCKS. ” To that I say, send me presents and cookies. My cynicism has been different this year. Being alone has allowed me to embrace the holidays in my own way. I won’t lie I am going to miss my dysfunctional yet loving family. But Oreos, Redbull and Porn sound a lot more exciting that Santa and his reindeer. 

MERRRY CHRISTMAS MUTHERFUCKERSxx

 

I got a spray tan, this time I don’t look like an oompa loompa and carrot reproduced.

Today is gloomy and gross. Im from Edmonton where winter days get to minus 40 but I would take a dry cold over this slush any day. 

So Ive never been one to be overly obsessed with beauty. I mean ya I love to look good. But I had never been a girl who spent extra time on blending crazy colours onto my eyelids. Bronzer, eye liner, some carmex lip chap and I was good to go. Since I moved to Vancouver though this has changed. I have become more involved in making my face look like it belongs in a magazine than in a gym. 

I still stay clear of eyeshadows and lip sticks though. With my strong features this make up just makes me look like a drag queen. I have though ventured into contouring my face and wearing lashes. (Which I bashed for so long.) 

Being a dancer also means I have to do as many sit ups as I eat cookies and stay looking good. My skin is naturally pretty dark due to my awesome mixed genetics but I still like to get my glow on. 

I used to be tan-orexic and would actually get asked if I was half black. I mean I was darker than Beyonce and I rock a weave with my corse hair. Since I moved to Van though I have stayed away from the beds. Except for a few times a month for some vitamin D and a nice glow for while Im twerking in the club. 

I had a spray tan once in my life and I had stayed clear from them due to the very fact that I came out looking like an Oompa loompa and a carrot had a baby. So when Organic Tan Vancouver said they wanted to give me a tan I was stoked but weary Id come out looking like a cheeto. 

My appointment today on the shittiest day Ive seen in Vancouver was the best pick me up ever. I wanted to kill someone before I got there and after I left. I felt refreshed and instantly 10 times hotter. I never knew a spray tan could make you feel good, but now I have a hot glow and no chance of skin cancer. 

Ladies or men even small pale aliens if you’re in Vancouver check them out. Organic and it’ll make you look fine as hell. Well it did for me anyway  

http://vancouver.organictan.ca/?page_id=6

twitter: @OrganicTanYVR

Having your panties up your ass can’t be comfortable. My Thoughts on how Society takes jokes too seriously.

I am known to be sarcastic, blunt, overly honest and a bit insane. If you follow my twitter blog, IG and now VLOG you will know this about me. 

I have never understood people who get offended easily. Especially people who get offended over issues that don’t even pertain to them. As I have gotten older though I have come to learn that some people just look for issues to start fights over. Some people are just annoying mutherfuckers.

Recently (Everyone and Everything shall remain nameless … sounds like an AA meeting opener) I posted a tweet that was humorous. To me anyways… I mean yeah I can write some offensive things but in no way was this tweet meant to be “derogatory.” I also can tweet some pretty cool things… so you should probably follow me (*insert beeps product placement here)

I wrote: ” If two men are getting married do they go to the same bachelor party?”

See, automatically you could say ” OMGAWD that is so discriminatory.” Well most straight people would say that. I myself laughed. (Why because it’s a funny joke, also it’s a very valid question.)

Why the fuck is this discriminatory or derogatory like this one person stated? I mean if there is a twink and a bear do you really think they would attend the same party? I really don’t think they’d have the same taste in strippers

Ok ill stop with the jokes.

If we live in a world that is all about equality then why all of a sudden is this joke that has to do with sexuality rude? Isn’t it more derogatory to automatically assume that this joke was made in poor taste? If I were to make a joke about a straight bachelor party no one would bat an eyelash (that phrase, bat an eyelash? How old am I?) Yet since it was to do with gay marriage, someone (who isn’t even gay…probably a fag hag… JKKKKKKKK) feels the need to come to the rescue.

See I love my gay men and women and bisexuals and transsexuals and everyone else. I mean I only went to gay clubs through ages 18-20 and I bartended at the best gay club in Edmonton. My closest friends are gay and I love everyone no matter your sex, man or woman. So I am the farthest thing from Homophobic. Come on I live practically on 
Davie St. When I make jokes, I don’t think about sexuality, because to me everyone is equal.

I would never tweet or comment rude or hurtful things to anyone. My humor is dry and sarcastic so sometimes the sensitive get offended, hell sometimes I even offend myself. But I have never had someone imply that I had anything against someone’s sexuality, If you read my articles I pretty much am in love with men and women so I was thrown off when reading this comment.

People are so used to hate and discrimination that they are creating it themselves. Which is no BUENO ( I wanted to throw a Spanish word in here to make me look worldly.)

The world has progressed to a point in which people of all sexualities should be embraced. By constantly acting as if simple jokes are “offensive” we are segregating people instead of allowing everyone to be treated on the same playing field. I am not saying that gay bashing jokes should be considered okay. I am saying that our society has changed and that if straight jokes are nothing to get your panties in a bunch about gay jokes shouldn’t be either.

Homosexuality is just one of the many new topics that society seems to still be scared to make jokes about. What people don’t see is that by making a big deal about these humorous statements we are digressing instead of progressing.

We need to begin to lighten and loosen up (not our vaginas, or our bums) our state of minds. Sometimes we may cross the line and we will learn for next time but we can’t be scared to talk about things in a joking manner.

My mouth don’t DISCRIMINATEEEEE

No Gido Bee doesn’t dance with a pole…

My relationship with my family is unconventional ( who even knows what conventional is now a days anyway). But come on for a human like me to have been created there has to be a little craziness in the genetics that spawned me. 

My mother and I have had a tumultuous relationship yet over the years we have grown into having an extremely close bond. People always ask me if my mom readings my writing and when I reply with yes they look like someone just kicked them in the balls or uterus. People seem surprised that my mother reads my blogs, probably because they seem like they are written by someone who has suffered from prolonged drugs use…. wAiT they are.

I am extremely open with my family. I mean I hid a pretty big secret from them for 5 years of my life, so when I got clean… I came clean. My mom knows everything, well almost everything, some things I reserve for my own messed up private brain  but she knows the ins and outs of my existence. Some things Im sure she wished didn’t come out of my un filtered mouth but we are like the Gilmore Girls Unrated. Im also this way with my two younger sisters. ” If you do drugs you will become a fucked up junkie and look like a crappier version of Taylor Momsen.” ( My sisterly advice) or “If you have sex you will get pregnant and an std and end up on a real life version of teen mom and fat.” Yes drastic analogies that I inherited from my mother. 4 females in one house thats how I grew up. I mean with all estrogen and a female dog we were the Kardashians minus the sex tapes, annoying voices, and we had to work for our money… so we weren’t anything like the Kardasians. If we had a reality show Im sure it would have been banned from public television.

My family knows I was an insta whore and they read my blog and weekly rants. When It came to my topless modelling I won’t lie and say it was all rainbows and butterflies coming from My mom and sisters I mean they weren’t that accepting about my “artistic” photos at first. But  my family being my family came around to my half naked ways in the end. I mean I have always subjected them to my nudity in my mothers home so they have come to accept my love for being naked.

When I started GOGO dancing my mom asked me if I was dancing in a club like “showgirls” in edmonton. (Show Girls is a Strip club owned by the Hells Angels.) No mom, Im not stripping Im GOGO DANCING. She then proceeded to ask me if I was dancing like Austin Powers dancing, saying she thought GoGo dancing ended in the 70s when she was young. I explained I dance in clubs for djs, Im in costumes, no poles, no platform boots, no vagina and boobs. Its club dancing. My mom still isn’t sold on the idea of me shaking my ass in clubs for DJ shows but Im sure she appreciates the fact that Im not sliding my ass crack up and down a pole for dolla bill$.

Well my mother decided to tell my Grandfather how I make my rent money. She explained what type of dancing I do. Thinking he understood they left the subject never to returning. Until my Gido ( Ukrainian for gpa) recently got arm surgery. My mom had to install one of those elderly poles ( that sounds dirty) Those assistance poles that you use to help you get out of bed. ( At the rate my back is diminishing Im going to need one by the time I’m 30.) So while she’s installing this pole, my little old Gpa says ” Oh Britty does dancing with a pole like that right.” My mom looks at him like say what? ” No she GOGO dancers, like vegas dancing in costumes.” … ” Oh well Nica (my 16 yr old sister) says she dances with a pole.” Cool my 16 yr old sister and grandpa think Im a stripper. My mom was more annoyed with the fact that he was okay with me being a pole dancer than the fact that he thought I was one. I mean if she was one back in the day he would have  killed her, his response “Well times have changed and young people like to express themselves.” I can’t wait till I get old and all the outrageous shit that comes out of my mouth becomes cute. For now Im just some obnoxious online personality.

My Gido thinking I’m a stripper made me think of how many people have a misconception of Gogo dancers. My ex continually tells me its the next step to becoming a stripper. Which isn’t true. I mean the booty short, pink fishnet, furry boot wearing “dancers” have given the real GoGo dancers a trashy name. We don’t get naked and we aren’t sleazy. If you go out to a show and watch actual GoGo dancers , ( I mean the good ones… which are hard to find in Vancouver.) You’ll see that we actually have skill, not to say strippers don’t have their own skillzzz. But we aren’t jumping around half naked w glow sticks. We actually perform. So If you’re an ignorant human and think that just because we dance in a club we are strippers remember not to clump us into one category. Just because some are sleazy the real ones still exist. We are pretty damn good at dancing too. Plus our costumes don’t consist of just underwear and a bra, Maxi ( the Goddess that runs, makes our costumes and dances) spends a significant amount of money and times into making these works of art.

So don’t compare us to strippers. ( not that I don’t like ma strippers.) x

Don’t be a moron.

We have all been morons at some point in our lives. I have been one more often than most.

See as much as I walk around emotionless the majority of the time I am a hopeless romantic. This being said I also am extremely picky so when I do fall for someone I become completely infatuated ignoring all the things that I would usually preach to others.

LOVE. What is love ? It is a four letter word that seems to be thrown around quite loosely now a days. People use it  almost as often as they use their toothbrushes. ( that is the people that brush their teeth twice a day.) See I have only really been in LOVE three times in my life. Each time I have turned into a complete moron.

See I hate games, and I know games are necessary when dealing with the male sex. Because they don’t understand simplicity, even though they preach that they do. ( Ok that was a little harsh, Im writing this post while fuming and devouring ice cream cake so I apologize.) Games , everyone plays them and as sad as it is they are what needs to occur if you want a relationship to happen. For years I had made myself completely available for this one person. I mean yes I had relationships and so did they, but at a drop of a hat I would be there do anything, pretty much made myself a little bitch.

For anyone who knows me this is the exact opposite of my daily character, I mean ill do anything for people but I won’t be your bitch. But against my greater judgement I repeatedly would drop my life to be this persons personal therapist. Well let me tell you, do not be any ones Dr. Phil. I mean unless they are paying you ( and no being paid in sex does not count.) Making yourself available and “fixing” this person ( that you want to be with) problems will only cause you problems in the end.

This is where the whole “games” aspect comes in. I always thought when you love someone you do anything and help them with anything ( this is true when you’re actually in a committed we aren’t going to fuck other people on the weekends relationship.) But when you are nothing but “friends” doing everything for the opposite sex will only “friend zone” or worse “sibling zone” you with this person. That whole phrase why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Well if you’re giving someone advice ,a shoulder to cry on, a “safe place and SEX without making them give you ANY sort of commitment. Well then you’re being a moron. Because why is someone going to commit to you when they are having their cake and eating it too? Damn look at all these sayings, I am really turning into my mother.

Im not  saying to play games like when we were in high school, but you need to really learn what those things called boundaries are. ( I know sometimes its hard, especially if they are good looking, then you want to bang them.) You also need to know when to call it quits. I mean if you are continually that person they come to when they need to cry about their life yet they never make the commitment eventually you need to tell them to stfu and peace.

If you don’t then you aren’t understanding the word RESPECT ( Insert song here.*) RESPECT for yourself. Being someones constant therapist begins to make you feel like a mother or father and if you want to feel that way go adopt a baby from Africa. You don’t need to fix this person just to send them back out into the world. Come on I’m sure you have enough of your own issues to deal with. ( I know i do.. come on Im pretty sure Im mentally insane… )

Moral of the story is … DONT BE A MORON. Easier said than done this is true, but learn the game and play it. Don’t allow yourself to be  so available if that person isn’t willing to put in any effort. There are enough people in this universe so leave the head cases for DR.Phil or at least Maury.

 

xx

this is me right now. FUCK IM SEXY